The Journey Isn't Meant to Be Solo

Give people a chance again..

Aug 18, 2023

Relationships.. community, and the in between. I think a crucial part of life we sometimes overlook is the significance of meaningful relationships. Friends that will hold up your hand even when you have little strength. Those who see you for who you are, not what you do or what they can gain from you. But simply have genuine love for you. I’ve experienced this and I’m still experiencing this in my relationships, and wow what a gift it truly is. To know that as you are you are enough and loved.

Tend to What You Currently Have

Celebrating my 21st birthday last year brought back all the feels as I gathered some of those dear to me and it was such a beautiful reminder of the importance of honouring those who are in our circles and not taking them for granted. I got everyone who attended personalised cards as I strongly believe in acknowledging the role people have played in our lives. Sometimes we’re quick to want to jump into new relationships when things may not be panning out as we’ve wanted them to, but perhaps it’s not always about entering into new relationships, but learning to stay the course. Maybe even going as far as asking, how can I tend to this relationship better? How can I love better? I know these questions can be uncomfortable. But what we sow, is what we will reap. We don’t always have to wait for our friends to bring up these questions before we do. You can choose to be the person who is intentional about shaping the trajectory and level of depth a relationship carries.

Remaining in Adversity

Learning to stay even when it’s hard, through thick and thin is so key. This is how I believe true frienships are built, relationships that can pass through fire, but even when tested, the bonds become stronger and you’re both coming forth as gold. You enter into a better understanding of one another and a firmer foundation. Don’t get me wrong, embracing new relationships are crucial. But even as we transition through life, there are some friends who are for the long term journey and it’s important we maintain those relationships.

Our journeys are not meant to be navigated alone, I believe at every phase in life, there are people who have been placed in our corner to support us as we enter into new chapters. There are people who serve as doors, they come into our lives and our minds open up to a new realm of possibilities. Those who speak life into you and remind you that there is so much more to you than meets the eye. The picture below is so special to me, as this is someone, Demi, who’s served as this to me. She’s one of the people who has stirred me towards the path of destiny and has always been there to remind me of who I really am. We all need relationships like this and for me it’s always quality over quantity. It’s better to have five reliable, consistent and honest friends than a crowd that fails to connect with you as a person.

Embracing New Beginnings in Relationships

I understand, allowing yourself to be vulnerable in relationships can be hard. Especially if you’ve experienced, hurt, betrayal and so on. But today I’ll like to encourage you to try opening up again. People will certainly disappoint us, but love can be constant if we choose to extend grace to others. There are relationships I’ve fostered that have truly changed the trajectory of my life. There have also been times where I’ve been at a borderline between embracing a new relationship but still reflecting on past hurt. But what I’m learning over time is, taking risks are necessary and rather than constantly wondering ‘what could go wrong?’ I’m learning to reframe that thought and ask ‘what if this goes well? Could this relationship serve as welcoming a new beginning in my life?’ I love the verse

Isaiah 43:19 ‘Do not dwell on the past, behold I’m doing a new thing can you not see it, can you not sense it?’

It reminds me that there’s discernment that comes with knowing when God is doing something new in our lives. The same in our relationships, it’s important we are able to recognise when a new thing has begun and know why someone has been introduced into our lives. If not we can be so caught up in our past and allow that create a cast over the new beginning standing right in front of us. I believe people are there for a reason, season or a lifetime. Sometimes we don’t always know immediately, but it’s so important to inquire, and for me this looks like praying over my relationships intentionally and seeking guidance from God.

When we have an understanding of the purpose of a relationship, it helps us to manage our expectations and turn to the right people on various ocassions. There are friends who are for light hearted hangouts. There are also some who are to sit in the boat with you in the middle of the storm. Others are somewhere in the middle. Either way, I believe these spectrums of relationships are important as we navigate our journeys.

Transitioning in Relationships

Over time we may outgrow certain relationships or even loose touch, and this is fine. Often times we’re used to having people who we may have grown up with in our corner. But what happens when it’s evident it’s time to part ways? Or people who you had previously relied on disappoint you and it feels like you’re being striped from all you’ve known life to be? I’ve learnt to appreciate people for the role they’ve played in my life but also know when to allow what needs to be, be. Most importantly, moments like this push me closer to God, and remind me that He is the most secure foundation.

It’s okay to no longer speak to someone as much as you used to. What I believe is important is, regardless of where we find ourselves in our relationships, respect and love are key. A relationship can always be rekindled down the line and even if it’s not, we can always appreciate the memories we’ve created at various walks in life.

Giving ourselves time to grieve relationships too is crucial. It can be hard when you envisioned growing old with people, mentally planning years down the line with them but life doesn’t quite happen that way. As we grieve these relationships, let’s also remember that something new will spring forth. We see it in nature, when a flower dies, new seeds are eventually sown. It may take time to tend the soil and prepare for the sowing of new seeds. Healing, reflecting and mustering up courage to open up again may take a while but we can do it. Sometimes cultivating the soil and preparing to sow new seeds in relationships is what we need to keep going. It could mean having difficult conversations, tears, pain etc but joy really does come in the morning.

So to anyone who has felt let down recently, it’s okay, I understand. I want to remind you that you that it’s not over yet. If you’ve been struggling to find and be in community, that too is okay. Maybe take some time to really process what has happened and why. Even if you come out with no resolve, help is on the way. Iin your darkest hours, you are not alone. I’ve experienced God strengthen and uphold me in times where though I had friends around me, only He could really reach me in the way that I needed and I pray you experience this too.

As we wrap up this newsletter, here are some points to hold unto:

You can choose to shape the level of depth and intentionality we experience in relationships.
What we sow is what we’ll reap. Cultivate your relationships in the good times and the hard times, choose to stay even when it’s uncomfortable.
Even in the midst of betrayal and pain, remember you haven’t met some of best people who will love you unconditionally. Please try to not allow past hurt prevent you from entering into relationships that could change your life for the better.

Journalling Prompts 🦋

What is the state of my relationships right now? Why?
How can I love and serve my friends and community at large better?
Is there any past hurt from previous relationships I’m still addressing? How can I confront these feelings? What do I need in this moment to move forward?

Hope you enjoy these prompts, these are some questions I try my best to ask myself occasionally. I hope they encourage you to reflect on your relationships.

To my friends reading this, thank you for being part of my journey! You mean so much to me. To you who has made it this far, I’d love to hear your thoughts as you’ve read this, how are you currently navigating relationships? I’m very open to hearing your perspective.