Navigating Disappointment
it's okay, to not be okay.
New week, new letter!! Hey everyone, welcome to a new week, hope you’ve all had a great first week of the month so far. If you missed out on the series I wrapped up last week, catch up below. I have some exciting updates, so let’s get into today’s newsletter.
🗞️Roundup of Lessons in Seasons
Rhieme Recommends 💌
Video: ‘Don’t Count Yourself Out’ by Stephanie Ike: this video is a timely reminder for anyone who has contemplated counting themselves out in life due to the circumstances they have passed through or repeated disappointment. It’s a beautiful listen.
Book: ‘Divine Disruption’ by Tony Evans et al: This is such a great read and definitely one of my favourite books. The authors unpack navigating disappointment, holding unto faith in tough times, healing and so much more.
Now let’s get into today’s newsletter!
🎥 ‘Unpacking Lessons in Seasons’
💌 To the person whose heart is heavy..
I want to speak to the heart of someone who may feel broken at the moment. You may find yourself in anguish, sadness whatever it is and I want you to know that you are not alone. In the midst of your tears God is there. When we pass through unfavourable circumstances and we had very high expectations and remained in faith, it can be hard when circumstances don’t play out the way we thought they would. So to you who is currently facing this, I want you to know that you are not alone. I’ve been there a number of times and I understand, it’s painful. But I’m learning that how I grieve outcomes I thought would play out really matters. I remember going through a situation and my friend kept on saying to me, you can be disappointed, but sit with God in that disappointment. At the time, this was very hard but I realised I can choose to grieve an outcome with God or allow the outcome detach myself from His presence. I’ve fallen into the latter before and it was incredibly difficult, so trust me when I say processing with God is important. I know this situation may be very painful, but I want to encourage you to hang in there.
Hard Times & Our Heart
How does disappointment affect our Relationships?
Sometimes we don’t realise that unaddressed and unhealed pain has travelled further than we think. It’s like an untreated wound that keeps opening up when triggered. For example in our relationships, disappointment can travel to forming distrusts with others. We may not want to fully invest ourselves into our relationships because of the fear of unmet expectations or being let down. But what I’m coming to realise is, hard times are a part of life and rather than looking for ways to protect ourselves from them, it’s important we accept that they will come and we’re able to remain in the midst of testing periods. It can be hard when you’ve experienced disappointment repeatedly in an area of your life. For example, repeated failed relationships or disappointing outcomes in our careers. Questions such as how will this time be different? Can I trust again? Are completely normal to ask in times like this.
Truthfulness in the Healing Process
There needs to be truthfulness when we are navigating painful moments. Both with God and those around us. It can be easy to create a facade that all is well, but internally we are crumbling and we are in need of love and comfort. When we don’t admit the help we need in trying times, there’s a tendency that our hearts can harden in the process. We may morph into people we are not. For example, if you’ve experienced repeated heartbreak in romantic relationships, it’s easy to avoid entertaining relationships completely as a protective mechanism. But is that really the solution? An unhealed wound is still an unhealed wound regardless of the amount of plaster that is placed on it. If the sole cause of the pain is not addressed with treatment, that wound will remain untreated. It’s the same with us, constantly avoiding what needs to be addressed isn’t the way to heal. Confrontation can be hard, but it’s better than avoidance. Though it can be a painful process, it is necessary.
Questioning in Hard Times 🔍
When hard times come, we may begin to question our foundations and for some this could look like our faith. For example, where is God in hard times? In failure? In hardship? In tests and trials, where is He? We may see God in the process but what happens when we’re struggling to see Him in the outcome of our circumstances? Does God stop being faithful when we don’t get the results we want?
I’ve come to accept that no, God’s nature doesn’t change based on the circumstances we pass through. Instead our circumstances provide the opportunity to experience a new aspect of God and still see Him as unchanging in the midst of our questions. It’s taken me a while to fully accept this truth and it’s still something I am working through. But if we can pass through good times and say God is good, are we ready to say the same in the not so great times?
Beauty will come From The Ashes 🦋
I am coming to accept and understand that no matter what circumstances I pass through, everything will come together beautifully. In our tears, on the nights when it feels lonely, it is not wasted. There are some experiences that only hindsight would give us perspective to realise the ‘why’ behind them. Some of the now painful moments that our minds may want to completely forget, could become stories of victory we would tell generations after us, that could strengthen their faith. Others we may never know the reason for them. However, what I do know is, the background crushing, is contributing to the moulding of something so beautiful — you. You who is currently reading this, no experience you are passing through is wasted. We were not promised a journey trial free, but even in those hard moments, we are not alone.
Psalm 56:8 “you keep track of all my sorrows, you have collected all my tears in a bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
Those silent tears in the background will turn into public praise soon and I cannot wait to hear all on it and celebrate with you. My messages are always open.
Faithfulness in The Midst of Disappointment
When we’ve been disappointed, it’s easy to want to call it quits completely and sink deep into our pain in that moment. But over time I’ve realised that remaining in the dark doesn’t bring comfort, rather it creates a breeding ground for us to sink deeper into our pain. Giving up on our destinies could seem like the easy way out in hard times, but I don’t believe that’s the solution. Our callings in life have been determined even before we were here on earth and this scripture reminds me of this:
Jeremiah 1:5 ‘Before I formed you, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart’
I chose to include this scripture as it’s a reminder that our circumstances don’t dissolve us of our callings in life. Even in pain, I have learnt to continue remaining faithful to my life’s call. It’s a journey that is continuos, there are days where questions such as what’s the point? Come up. But for me, the point is to continue to live a life that pleases Jesus, and fulfill all I’ve been placed to on earth even through hard times. I expand more on this here, but as I’ve mentioned before, you are here for a reason. I know it’s painful, but please choose not to back out. It’s okay to take time to recoup, but remember we still have a journey ahead of us. But even as we work through the discomfort, let’s choose to not put a hold on our futures because of yesterday’s pain.
As we wrap up today’s newsletter, I truly hope you feel lighter. Here are some journalling prompts to answer if you’re currently navigating disappointment.
✍🏾 Journalling Prompts:
🎧 plug into this as you write
What is the source of my disappointment and what were my expectations rooted in?
What does coming out on the other side of this circumstance look like?
Let it all out: write, write and write whatever is on your heart.
As always, I hope this met you where you are. Feel free to send me a message if you’ll like to discuss further.
Share with a friend who may need this!
See you next week!
Love,
Rhieme
Lovely read❤️
I feel lighter, Rhieme. Thank you🤍