Beauty For Ashes - The Series

more on: closing chapters in relationships & welcoming the new.

Hi guys!! new week, new letter. 🥳 Welcome to a new month, hope your week has been going well so far? Two weeks ago I started a new series titled ‘The Beauty for Ashes Series’. In case you missed it, this series is dedicated to anyone who is ready for restoration, healing and experiencing newness in various aspects of their lives. In our first letter within this series, I spoke on coming out of stagnancy, moving forward from hard situations and more. If you missed it, catch up in the recap I shared earlier. Today I’ll be speaking on relationships and as always I hope this letter meets you where you are. 🩷

🗞️ Roundup of Lessons in Seasons

Beauty for Ashes - The Series

A Lot Can Change in A Year

Detours, New timelines & New beginnings.

📌 New Features: For those who prefer listening rather than reading, I’ve created an audio option where I give an overview of the newsletter and pointers! Scroll further down to listen :)

💌 Rhieme Recommends: ‘When You Win, I Win’ By Moyo: I listened to this a while ago and as we’re on the topic of relationships today, this is a must watch. So much was covered from celebrating our friends wins like ours, intentionality, and more. If you listen to let me know your thoughts!

💌 Before we dive into it all, here’s an encouraging word for you..

To the person struggling to build relationships and is struggling with past hurt, I’m here to remind you that you are loved and lovable. The parts of yourself you may have watered down or forced to die because of lack of acceptance by the right people, deserve to come alive again. You haven’t met some of the best people yet, don’t rob yourself of experiencing beautiful relationships that you currently have and are yet to have because of past pain. Allow yourself to process the pain with God, seek to forgive and allow people in. There are people who may have tried to dim your light, they may have spoken negatively about you, others may not have done anything per say, but the season for the relationship passed and you’re faced with the present moment. It’s okay. Not all relationships are created or meant for the long haul. Some are for a phase, and when that phase is over, you can part ways in love, and still cherish what was, yet thankful for what is.

To the heart that may have been wounded, I pray God heals you in ways you could never have imagined. To the person struggling to find their place, you may have tried to stick to a group and it never clicked — maybe you’re not meant for ‘one group’? It’s okay to not fit in and have different friends across phases. There’s nothing wrong with you, we’re all just wired differently. Wherever you find yourself in this, I want you to hold unto this tightly — you are loved and capable of being fully loved, every aspect of yourself is worth being nurtured and developed with the right people. 🩷

Now let’s go into a deeper dive of today’s newsletter🫂

📌 For those who prefer listening, here’s an overview of today’s newsletter!

Beauty For Ashes: On Closing Chapters In Relationships & Welcoming The New

The topic of friendships is so dear to me because I’ve seen the positive impact nurturing and cultivating the right ones have had on me. Friendships can truly change the trajectories of our lives — whether good or bad. Sometimes it can be hard to welcome new relationships because of negative experiences. Other times our experiences can affect the present relationships we have and how we choose to steward over them.

When I speak about the new in relationships, I don’t see it as only welcoming new relationships, but also accepting new dynamics in our current ones. Often times we can be so caught up with how things were in relationships that we fail to see things for what they are now. It’s okay to grieve what was and accept what is. But take people for who they’ve shown you they are not who they want you to be. We often hold unto relationships that have passed their time because of what was and not what is. Loving from a distance needs to be normalised more and so does relationships ending without there being a fight. It doesn’t mean these people are bad people, it’s simply a chapter has come to a close. Some chapters can open again with people from previous phases reintroduced, others may never be the same and this is completely fine. This then leads me to ask —

Why do we become friends with people?

Do we become friends with people to avoid feelings of loneliness? Or feel like we have to be friends with everyone? These questions are tough, but they’re questions we need to ask ourselves because if not we stand the chance of drawing people in who may never have needed access to us in a personal capacity in. There are different types of friendships and varying levels of proximity are required. But before we welcome people into our lives, it’s important we are discerning and circumspect. Not everyone who shows an interest in you has to be your friend. They can be an acquaintance and this is fine! Taking time to observe people as well is crucial. Observing prayerfully is really what we need to done because only God knows the heart of a person and their intentions, whether good or bad. Often times it’s easy to rush into relationships because of excitement and all that comes with meeting new people. This can sometimes lead to hurt along the way as we realise people aren’t who we really thought they were. This is why observing people is key. Questions I keep at the back of my mind are — what are their values? What’s their character like? Going through this process could mean letting people in may take more time, but I honestly don’t think there needs to be a rush.

Timing ⏳

Relationships take time. Cultivate gradually and allow those friendships that are meant to bloom, bloom. It’s really easy to want relationships to sprout instantly but good things truly take time. Sometimes the season for the relevance of a relationship may not have come to surface and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean the relationship holds no weight, the time for blooming may just not have come yet. Whatever we do, it’s important we allow things happen naturally.

🎥: On cultivating relationships intentionally:

This is an excerpt of an interview I had two years ago where I shared more on the improtance of intentionality in our relationships! Whatever we want to see grow, needs to nurtured. Click here for the full video.

❤️‍🩹 Forgiveness —

With all I’ve shared, it’s hard to truly water our existing and new relationships when we have unforgiveness in our hearts. You may be reading this and are going through a lot of hurt relationally which may have caused you to build walls around your heart. I’m sorry about this honestly because I understand how hard this can be. But I want to encourage you to forgive the offender, even if they don’t know they have hurt you. Let God in and allow him help you because this isn’t something we can do on our own. I’ve found that when I don’t forgive others, I keep myself in a cage and it affects how I treat others around me and also the state of my heart. There are relationships worth cultivating around you, and more to come, don’t let your heart grow cold towards people. There are good people out there, trust me.

this is a mini appreciation for my friend Dilly, who has truly shown me what real friendship looks like, she is so kind & loving. I’m grateful to experience God’s love through her, she’s truly one of the best people I know. 🩷

As you spend time reading through this, I’d encourage you to have a friendship audit: here are some questions worth thinking about:

• Before you go into this, I’d suggest spending some time praying as we need God’s help and guidance in this process.

• Who are my core friends?

• What does watering my friendships look like in this season?

• How can I be the friend, my friends need me to be? (I’d suggest reaching out to friends to ask directly)

  As always I hope this letter met you where you are. Remember you are loveable, and you deserve to be in relationships where you are well watered, and you are watering those around you too.

I’d love to hear your thoughts! How did you find today’s newsletter? Share below:

Share with someone who may need this reminder:

And if you’d like to read more on friendships here are two posts I’ve made on this:

The Journey Isn't Meant to Be Solo

Walk with Others: Building You as You Build Series

See you!🩷

Love,

Rhieme